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0 Degrees from northern border to southern tip of México-

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“Today would be a good day,” I thought to myself as I sat on the edge of the overpass staring at the traffic below. The hight alone was likely lethal should I fall to the ground, and at that hour there was mostly light commercial traffic on the road. I could be someone’s odd 911 call they made some time ago and not the cold familiar corpse I would condemn to my family’s memory if I did it at home – and then it would all be over.

The morbidity of my thoughts was interrupted by the lick of the cutest puppy I’d ever seen. “Got another smoke?” the puppy’s person asked me when I looked up from my death gaze.

I looked her up and down as I reached for a Newport from my pack. She was a cute kind-of-counter-culture-cliche with hair dyed blue with pink highlights, black T-shirt hung loosely over not well hidden breasts, to be fair they’d be fairly tough to hide. Ratty jeans with holes revealed enough milky white flesh to suggest she kept up with shaving and moisturizing but didn’t get out in the sun much. Cheap flip flops revealed sparkly toe nail polish on her dainty white feet.

“Awesome, a Newport!” she exclaimed as I handed her the cigarette, “my boyfriend only buys me Kools because that’s what he smokes,” she explained.

“It’s the only brand I smoke“ I replied as the twinkle in her eyes caught my attention, this one is a cute, trouble-maker for sure. Her puppy, a baby soft chocolate lab likely, climbed in my lap as we exchanged pleasantries, “Got a name?” She asked politely.

Most people call me “Asshole,” I replied curtly. She laughed as I imagined she would, one of those laughs that could light a dark room.

“Well, Asshole, my boyfriend calls me Cunt,” she replied playfully but honestly.

“Sounds like a cool dude, I’ll call you C.”

“Oh he is, he got me this adorable puppy to keep me company while he pretends to go to work,” she replied.

“And why would he pretend to go to work with such a pretty girlfriend waiting at home?” I asked – flirtingly?

“Because he’s super in to this hot neighbor that he loves cheating on me with. I believe if you love them, set them free, and wouldn’t you know, he keeps coming back.”

“Well at least he’s loyal,” I quipped.

“Definitely a keeper. Walk my dog with me?” She asked as she handed the leash enough towards me to entice me off of the ledge of the overpass.

“Why not.”

We began walking and chatting in what to me was a random direction, conversation came easy, kindred spirits.

“Hungry?” She asked as we walked towards a Brazilian steak house.

“I didn’t bring any money,” but she waived me off.

“I’ve got it,” she said as she beckoned me to come along. “Give me the leash,” she said as she took the puppy back from me.

“I don’t think this place allows pets,” I said as we neared the possibly not outrageous but definitely not cheap restaurant from the road.

“It’s OK,” she said as she snatched the sunglasses from my face and put them on. “This place has the best steaks,” she stated as she walked confidently towards the entrance, “take my arm,” she commanded.

As we opened the door a flamboyant Latino “greeted” us with a frown – “Absolutely no animals inside,” he insisted as he eye-balled us suspiciously.

“He’s my seeing eye dog,” she stated matter-of-factly as the puppy picked the entrance to squat and poop before sitting down for dinner. I choked back a laugh as the flustered Brazilian fellow debated how to handle us.

“Do we need to get your manager or are you familiar with the ADA that prohibits you from barring the disabled and their dogs from entering your establishment?”

“That won’t be necessary,” the maitre-dude voiced quietly as he suspiciously eyeballed the fuzzy puppy at the end of the leash – and his newly finished pile of poop – before seating us in the deepest darkest corner of the restaurant, far away from any other customers. “Appetizers?” He asked once we were seated and C answered in perfect Portuguese what sounded to be a bit more than traditional appetizers. The man wrote it all down diligently, eyed us one more time quite queerly suspicious, then left us alone to fetch whatever it was she ordered us.

Conversation came very easy as we awaited whatever she ordered, she wasn’t my usual type but she was very cute and witty and funny and I couldn’t remember a better dinner guest. C gave the puppy an ice cube to play with before finally we were served courses of steak with a sweet & spicy sauce, tortillas, potatoes, salads with exotic nuts in them and a pitcher of margaritas.

It’s possible I wasn’t thinking clearly but I couldn’t remember a better feast with better company.

I was quite full and more than a bit buzzed when the server began clearing the table. Still with sunglasses on, C waited for the server to reach across the table before giving a nudge to a glass at the end of the table that shattered when it hit the tiled floor. “Oh my god, my puppy, is he OK?” She asked me in the middle of the commotion.

“Yes,” I replied as I began moving the glass away from the puppy.

“I’ll get it,” the server interrupted and took over for me.

C gave a faint tug on my arm and whispered “comon” as we began heading for the door. She continued her blind act bumping into tables and chairs on the way to the door and I suppressed laughter as I reached for the check before following her. Apparently she nicked her finger on the broken glass and a drop of blood on the receipt dried into an ironic heart shape and I put it in my pocket – what a unique souvenir for a one of a kind day!

I thought we’d stop at the register on the way out, but thinking back on it I don’t know why I did – we didn’t. After “blindly” knocking over a chair she bee-lined for the exit, her arm in mine tugging me along as an accessory. After safely making it outside and down the street I laughed out the nervous energy and asked my new friend if she’d share a cigarette with me.

“Walk me home?” She asked as she took the lit cigarette from my hand. I winked affirmation and it was a short walk as we reached her front door. She unlocked the door and opened it, but before going inside she turned around and kissed me – passionately and intimately like we’d known each other forever. She pulled me inside with her as she shut the door behind us and turned the puppy loose. “This way,” she said as she coaxed me towards the bedroom. I set my Newports down on an end table along the way and began unfastening my belt in anxious anticipation.

She shut the bedroom door behind us and took off the black t-shirt. No more hiding her perfect, milky-white breasts with perfect pink nipples. I took in the sight and sat down on the bed and she came and sat beside me. She led with another passionate kiss then guided me to lay down, no urge in me to resist her. She sat on my lap and I knew those sparkling eyes and bare breasts would be burned in my memory forever. I was looking forward to what came next, but mumbled, “oh shit” as I heard the front door open and close from the other side of the house.

“Fuck, my boyfriends home, quick go out the window,” she commanded as she slid the window open. Without thinking I grabbed a pack of Kools off of the nightstand to replace the fresh pack of Newports I’d left in the other room, then jumped into action to comply.

“When did you start smoking Newports?” I heard the most grating voice ever ask from the other room – perhaps I was biased…

“He sounds like a deuche,” I whispered to her before jumping out the window and turning for one last look.

“You have know idea,” she replied playfully and rolled her eyes as she ushered me away. I made it a few doors down before ordering an Uber to meet me at the corner and take me home after quite an extraordinary afternoon.

I sat quietly in the car as the Nigerian driver chatted away, contemplating all the what if’s- what if I jumped, what if her boyfriend never came home, what if I bothered to get her name and number – I contemplated on the way and got out of the car when we reached my home.

“Where have you been, I was so worried about you?” my girlfriend asked – whether genuinely or not I wasn’t quite sure. I took a cigarette out and lit it without answering when she saw me and said, “When did you start smoking Kools?”

Before answering I noticed a “new” half a pack of Kools on the end table by the sofa. “I thought today would be a good day,” I answered as puzzle pieces I hadn’t noticed before all seemed to fit… or maybe they didn’t , the only thing I was sure of I was back where I started….

Joseph Smith

Htxjoe@me.com

This is going to be one of the hardest essays I’ve ever written because it’s a subject I’m passionate about and I want to get it right. I supported Trump in 2016 and I believe he did a great job despite continually being persecuted by a liberal congress and a liberal press. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think he’s a particularly intelligent man as his deeply buried SAT scores would have revealed, and he’s quite openly & obviously a racist, and he’s a bit of an asshole, but despite his flaws it was the Trump administration’s “America first” ideology that built the strongest economy the world has ever seen, ended unnecessary conflicts with Afghanistan, Russia, began to take a long, hard and necessary look at our one sided relationship with China. If it were up to Gavin Newsome America would still be on lockdown like China in its fight against Covid, but the majority of Americans were ready to get back to work and he listened. Not only did he incorporate free market solutions to the pandemic, he took a pragmatic look at travel bans and did what was necessary for the United States to recover from the fastest economic decline in history. He worked towards energy independence cutting red tape for American businesses to generate more energy. He was the first president to take a real pros vs cons look at NATO and decide they need us and we don’t need them – it’s just another global initiative to redistribute American wealth to developing nations, and offers no real benefit to any American government not interested in building an American empire.

There’s lots of reasons I supported the Trump administration. However, I was one of the millions of Americans watching in horror as he suggested injecting bleach as a method of killing Coronavirus. In his defense he was right, it would kill the virus, unfortunately it would also kill the host. I also watched, baffled, as he struggled to put together an administration that wouldn’t quit or undermine his authority. I guess it’s not much of a surprise for a celebrity who’s catch phrase was “You’re fired” on his hit Apprentice tv show. But come on, you’re president now, how hard can it be to find people willing to serve their country by putting America first – that can’t possibly be such a hard mission to sell.

I was sure he would win 2020 vs Biden, everyone I knew was much better off under Trump / Pence than they were under Obama/ Biden. Lower health care costs. Lower taxes. Better jobs. Real quick let’s talk about Russia – under Obama the president drew his line in the sand and said “Mr Putin – don’t you dare attach Ukraine” and Putin immediately called his bluff and to this day Crimea is still annexed under Russian law. During four years of Trump, the same people that say that Trump lied about the election being stolen because there’s no proof swear Trump lied about collusion with Russia – but there’s no proof!

And the President cannot steal classified documents. As President he has access to all top secret documents. Now as Karl Rove pointed out, there is a Presidential records Act that states all documents created by the administration by law are to be submitted to the presidential archives. But this isn’t a criminal statute, there’s no indictable offense or any penalty that can be imposed by Biden’s justice department against the former President. So all you Trump haters can give that up now and stop paying millions of dollars to investigate a clerical error, just like spending billions of dollars to investigate impeachment in the house with a 0% chance of indictment in the Senate- just give it up! That’s one of the things that makes America the greatest country on earth – we don’t jail political adversaries. Trump didn’t investigate Secretary Clinton’s Benghazi incident and emails improperly store on a private server, just like Biden is an idiot for investigating Trump for keeping documents in a private residence – same shit (excuse my French)! Now we’re about to see if republicans go tit for tat and attempt to indict the Biden’s for questionable business in Ukraine- ordinarily I wouldn’t support it but in this case a taste of their own medicine comes to mind.

And President Biden – I do not know a single person better off under Biden. Except my student loan payments that I wasn’t paying anyways are getting pushed back, credit where credit is due I do appreciate that. But telling African Americans they aren’t black if they didn’t vote for Biden – how is that anything but at a minimum sinking to Trumps level. My retired mother can barely pay her mortgage because her taxes are up and her retirement account is WAY down. Her husband can’t find a job with his family in Houston because Biden’s first executive action as president was to kill 150,000 high paying jobs, mostly in Texas, with the death of the Keystone Pipeline (he works at oil refineries and has worked everywhere from Kansas to Qatar but can’t find a job in Texas.

I have every reason to support Trump, and every reason to vote against Biden, but as mentioned in my last blog, if it comes to Trump 2024 I might have to abstain. I don’t believe in voting for the best president for me, I believe in voting for the best president for America – and Biden & Trump are not it. More now than ever Americans need a president that both sides can at least respect. I don’t agree Trump is a traitor, I’m a veteran and many at the capitol on January 6th were veterans, and we swore an oath to defend our country from all enemies foreign and domestic. If my brothers in arms suspected traitorous activity from Biden’s camp I would listen, have a dialogue, and certainly not prosecute. Some of those people were fanatic nutcases, but some of those people volunteered to die for this country and to call them traitors to me is treasonous. If they had a reason for doing what they did they need to be heard. And one thing I know for sure, when every news station starts using the exact same verbiage for a story someone else behind the scenes is telling the story. If twenty different news organizations all say “2020 was the most secure election in American history” with the same words at the same time I want to know who’s telling them what to say, because they all didn’t make up the exact same story with the exact same words at random. And this all of a sudden belief that if you believe voter fraud exists your a fascist – that is suspicious to me. It’s a well known fact mayor Daly of Chicago had dead people voting for JFK – voter fraud does exist and if you don’t believe it you’re lying or you’re an idiot.

All that being said, there’s way too much distrust on both sides for either Trump or Biden to be an effective president at this point. We need someone new, unconnected, younger than 70 would be nice. I’m a Republican but JFK is possibly my favorite President. What happened to “Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country,” and “We will put a man on the moon not because it is easy but because it is hard.” Even Bill Clinton declared “the era of big government is dead.” If democrats could put out a moderate message like that they just might get my vote for the first time ever. And if Trump were re-elected I strongly believe he would do a good job and put America first as he always has – but the USA was founded on no taxation without representation, and there’s just too many Americans that feel unsafe or disrespect from a Trump White House – African Americans deserve a president that doesn’t despise them (Kanye West for president?)

So that’s it, rather long but I felt I had to go on the record so that Trump haters know why I support Trump to begin with and Trump lovers need to know I haven’t abandoned them, I just feel Trump won’t be able to get anything done at this point because of all the divisive controversy. We need some fresh blood, someone who hasn’t spent a lifetime in politics but someone who isn’t a billionaire either. A new Abraham Lincoln or JFK with the magnetism to pull the divide back together. Someone who can make Americans hate hatred again instead another wind bag trying to convince Americans if they don’t hate republicans they’re a fascist or if they don’t hate democrats their a communist.

That’s all for now. I love you America- safely from my home in México. I’ll come back when the time is right, but until then remember your flag flies blue and red in equal amounts.

– Joseph Smith

Htxjoe@me.com